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The Cross and Criticism

Fri, 4 Jun 2010 22:07:18 -0400

Below is a short article that was given to me by one of the pastors at Sojourn Community Church earlier today. I found it to be so helpful and convicting that I wanted to post it here. Hopefully some of you find it encouraging. May we continue to believe the Gospel more deeply saints!

The Cross and Criticism

This article originally appeared in the Spring 1999 issue of The Journal of Biblical Counseling, (Vol. 17, No. 3) and is reprinted by permission. It is also available in booklet form.
by Dr. Alfred J. Poirier, Chairman of the Board of Directors for Peacemaker Ministries

 
On January 28, 1986, the space shuttle Challenger and its crew embarked on a mission to broaden educational horizons and promote the advancement of scientific knowledge. The most outstanding objective of the Challenger 51-L mission was the delivery of educational lessons from space by teacher Christa McAuliffe. A lesson was, indeed, delivered, but not one which anyone expected.

Just 75 seconds after liftoff, tragedy struck. Before a watching world the shuttle suddenly erupted overhead, disintegrating the cabin along with its crew. The debris of metal, blood and bones plummeted to earth, along with our nation's glory.
What had gone wrong? That was the pressing question everyone asked. As teams of researchers examined the wreckage, the specific cause was soon found. The problem was with the O-rings (circular rubber seals), which had been designed to fit snugly into the joints of the booster engine sections. Evidently, the O-rings had become defective under adverse conditions, and the resulting mechanical failure led to the tragedy. Was that the whole story?
The truth eventually got out. The New York Times put it frankly: the ultimate cause of the space shuttle disaster was pride. A group of top managers failed to listen carefully to the warnings, advice and criticisms given by those down the line who were concerned about the operational reliability of certain parts of the booster engine under conditions of abnormal stress. Just think: heeding criticism could have saved seven human lives.
As a pastor, church leader, and lecturer for Peacemaker Ministries, I am blessed with the opportunity to minister to people and congregations in conflict. Among the many things I've come to learn is the dominant role that giving and taking criticism has in exacerbating conflict. Yet, even more, I've learned that the remedy wonderfully provided by God requires us to return to the cross of Christ. For our present purposes, I want us to look at the problem of taking criticism.
The Dynamic of Defending Against Criticism
First of all, let me define what I mean by criticism. I'm using criticism in a broad sense as referring to any judgment made about you by another, which declares that you fall short of a particular standard. The standard may be God's or man's. The judgment may be true or false. It may be given gently with a view to correction, or harshly and in a condemnatory fashion. It may be given by a friend or by an enemy. But whatever the case, it is a judgment or criticism about you, that you have fallen short of a standard.
However it comes, most of us would agree that criticism is difficult to take. Who of us doesn't know someone with whom we need to be especially careful in our remarks lest they blow up in response to our suggested corrections? Unfortunately, as I travel around the country, the tale is often told that many people would never dare confront or criticize their pastor or leader for fear of retaliation. Many just find another organization to work for or church to attend.
In fact, don't you know of leaders who select those to be nearest to them who are easiest on them? How many times have you been warned to "walk on eggshells" around that person?
As sad a commentary as this is, such people are not much different from me. I, too, do not like criticism. Any criticism is hard for me to take. I'd much rather be commended than corrected, praised than rebuked. I'd much rather judge than be judged! And I do not think that I am alone in this. The more I listen, the more I hear the dynamic of defensiveness against criticism.
In counseling, I see it in the humorous way a couple will be diverted from the issue at hand to debate who said what, when, and where. Or in how people debate back and forth as to whether it was a Tuesday or a Wednesday when they did something.
Why do we expend so much time and energy swatting at these flies with sledgehammers? Why are our hearts and minds so instantly engaged and our emotions surging with great vigor in our defense? The answer is simple. These issues are not minor or insignificant. We defend that which we deem of great value. We think it is our life we are saving. We believe something much larger will be lost if we do not use every means to rescue it. Our name, our reputation, our honor, our glory.
"If I don't point out that I've been misunderstood, misquoted, or falsely accused, then others won't know I'm right. And if I don't point out my rightness, nobody will. I will be scorned and condemned in the eyes of others."
Do you see the idol of self here? The desire for self-justification? But idols have legs. Because of this deep idolatrous desire for self-justification, the tragedy of the Space Shuttle gets played out over and over again in our relationships. It destroys our ability to listen and learn, and it provokes us to quarrel.
Thus, for the sake of our pride and foolishness, we willingly suffer loss of friends, spouse, or loved ones. Some of that destruction comes in the shape of a thin truce. We tolerate a cold war. We make a false peace. We pledge to each other to discuss only those things which have little significance for bettering our souls. We lay out land mines and threaten the other that we will explode in anger if they so much as raise the forbidden subject of my mistake, my error, or my sin.
This is how churches split and factions develop. We surround ourselves with "yes" men—people willing to never challenge, advise, or criticize us. Yet, while we go on defending ourselves against criticism, we find Scripture teaching something different.
Criticism Commended

Being teachable, able, and willing to receive correction is a mark of the wise.

The ability to hear and heed correction or criticism is commended in Scripture, particularly in Proverbs. Being teachable, able and willing to receive correction, is a mark of the wise. And the wise father or mother will encourage as well as model such an attitude for their daughters and sons.
The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice (Prov. 12:15).
Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice (Prov. 13:10).
A rebuke impresses a man of discernment more than a hundred lashes a fool (Prov. 17:10).
The ability to take advice, correction, and rebuke is not only considered a mark of the wise, and the inability a mark of the fool, but both the wise and the fool reap according to their ability to take criticism:
He who scorns instruction will pay for it, but he who respects a command is rewarded (Prov. 13:13).
Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning (Prov. 9:9).
He who ignores discipline despises himself, but whoever heeds correction gains understanding (Prov. 15:32).
There is gain in taking criticism. No wonder David exclaims in Psalm 141:5: Let a righteous man strike me—it is a kindness; let him rebuke me—it is oil on my head. My head will not refuse it. David knows the profit of gaining wisdom, knowledge, and understanding. He knows rebukes are a kindness, a blessing, an honor.
Ask yourself: Is that how you look at a rebuke? Is that how you perceive criticism, correction or counsel? Do you want to look at it that way?
How can we move from always being quick to defend ourselves against any and all criticism toward becoming instead like David who saw it as gain? The answer is through understanding, believing, and affirming all that God says about us in the cross of Christ.
Paul summed it up when he said, "I have been crucified with Christ." A believer is one who identifies with all that God affirms and condemns in Christ's crucifixion. God affirms in Christ's crucifixion the whole truth about Himself: His holiness, goodness, justice, mercy, and truth as revealed and demonstrated in His Son, Jesus. Equally, in the cross God condemns the lie: sin, deceit, and the idolatrous heart. He condemns my sinfulness as well as my specific sins. Let's see how this applies to giving and taking criticism.
First, in Christ's Cross I Agree With God's Judgment of Me
I see myself as God sees me—a sinner. There is no escaping the truth: "No one is righteous, not even one" (Rom. 3:9-18). In response to my sin, the cross has criticized and judged me more intensely, deeply, pervasively, and truly than anyone else ever could. This knowledge permits us to say to all other criticism of us: "This is just a fraction of it."
Cursed is everyone who does not continue to do everything written in the Book of the Law (Gal. 3:10).
For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it (James 2:10).
By faith, I affirm God's judgment of myself, that I am a sinner. I also believe that the answer to my sin lies in the cross.
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live (Gal. 2:20).
For we know that our old self was crucified with him [Jesus] so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin (Rom. 6:6).
If the cross says anything, it speaks about my sin. The person who says "I have been crucified with Christ" is a person well aware of his sinfulness. You'll never get life right by your own unaided efforts because all who rely on observing the law are under a curse. "Cursed is everyone who does not continue to do everything written in the Book of the Law" (Gal. 3:10). Thus the cross doesn't merely criticize or judge us; it condemns us for not doing everything written in God's law. Do you believe that? Do you feel the force of that criticism? Do you appreciate the thoroughness of God's judgment?

To claim to be a Christian is to agree with all God says about our sin.

The crucified person also knows that he cannot defend himself against God's judgment by trying to offset his sin by his good works. Think about this fact: whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it (James 2:10).
To claim to be a Christian is to agree with all God says about our sin. As a person "crucified with Christ," we admit, agree, and approve of God's judgment against us: There is no one righteous, not even one (Rom. 3:10).
Second, In Christ's Cross I Agree With God's Justification of Me
I must not only agree with God's judgment of me as sinner in the cross of Christ, but I must also agree with God's justification of me as sinner. Through the sacrificial love of Jesus, God justifies ungodly people (Rom. 3:21-26).
But the life I now live, I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me (Gal. 2:20).
My goal is to boast in Christ's righteousness, not my own.
No one will be declared righteous in his [God's] sight by observing the law (Rom. 3:20).
This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe (Rom. 3:22).
Pride breeds quarrels, says Solomon. Quarrels are often over who is right. Quarrels erupt in our idolatrous demand for self-justification. But not if I am applying the cross. For the cross not only declares God's just verdict against me as a sinner, but His declaration of righteousness by grace through faith in Christ.
The cross of Christ reminds me that the Son of God loved me and gave Himself for me. And because of this, God has thoroughly and forever accepted me in Christ. Here is how grace works: Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us, for it is written: "Cursed is everyone who is hung on a tree." He redeemed us in order that the blessing given to Abraham might come to the Gentiles through Christ Jesus, so that by faith we might receive the promise of the Spirit (Gal. 3:13f).
What a sure foundation for the soul! Now, I don't practice self-justification, but boasting—boasting about Christ's righteousness for me.
If you truly take this to heart, the whole world can stand against you, denounce you, or criticize you, and you will be able to reply, "If God has justified me, who can condemn me?" "If God justifies me, accepts me, and will never forsake me, then why should I feel insecure and fear criticism?" "Christ took my sins, and I receive His Spirit. Christ takes my condemnation, and I receive His righteousness."
Implications for Dealing with Criticism

GIVING CRITICISM GOD'S WAY

I see my brother/sister as one for whom Christ died (1 Cor. 8:11).
Keep on loving each other as brothers (Heb. 13:1).
I come as an equal, who also is a sinner.
Are we any better than they? Not at all. For there is no one righteous...for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Rom. 3:9,23).
I prepare my heart lest I speak out of wrong motives.
All a man's ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the LORD (Prov. 16:2).
The heart of the righteous weighs its answers, but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil (Prov. 15:28).
A wise man's heart guides his mouth, and his lips promote instruction (Prov. 16:23).
I examine my own life and confess my sin first.
Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, "Let me take the speck out of your eye," when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye (Matt. 7:3-5).
I am always patient, in it for the long haul (Eph. 4:2).
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. (1 Cor. 13:4).
My goal is not to condemn by debating points, but to build up through constructive criticism.
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may give grace to those who listen (Eph. 4:29).
I correct and rebuke my brother gently, in the hope that God will grant him the grace of repentance even as I myself repent only through His grace.
And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth... (2 Tim. 2:24-25).

In light of God's judgment and justification of the sinner in the cross of Christ, we can begin to discover how to deal with any and all criticism. By agreeing with God's criticism of me in Christ's cross, I can face any criticism man may lay against me. In other words, no one can criticize me more than the cross has. And the most devastating criticism turns out to be the finest mercy. If you thus know yourself as having been crucified with Christ, then you can respond to any criticism, even mistaken or hostile criticism, without bitterness, defensiveness, or blameshifting. Such responses typically exacerbate and intensify conflict, and lead to the rupture of relationships. You can learn to hear criticism as constructive and not condemnatory because God has justified you.
Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? (Rom. 8:33-34a).
Let a righteous man strike me—it is a kindness; let him rebuke me—it is oil on my head. My head will not refuse it (Ps. 141:5).
If I know myself as crucified with Christ, I can now receive another's criticism with this attitude: "You have not discovered a fraction of my guilt. Christ has said more about my sin, my failings, my rebellion and my foolishness than any man can lay against me. I thank you for your corrections. They are a blessing and a kindness to me. For even when they are wrong or misplaced, they remind me of my true faults and sins for which my Lord and Savior paid dearly when He went to the cross for me. I want to hear where your criticisms are valid."
The correction and advice that we hear are sent by our heavenly Father. They are His corrections, rebukes, warnings, and scoldings. His reminders are meant to humble me, to weed out the root of pride and replace it with a heart and lifestyle of growing wisdom, understanding, goodness, and truth. For example, if you can take criticism—however just or unjust—you'll learn to give it with gracious intent and constructive results. See the sidebar, "Giving Criticism God's Way."
I do not fear man's criticism for I have already agreed with God's criticism. And I do not look ultimately for man's approval for I have gained by grace God's approval. In fact, His love for me helps me to hear correction and criticism as a kindness, oil on my head, from my Father who loves me and says, "My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when He rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone He accepts as a son" (Heb. 12:5-6).
Applying What We've Learned
1. Critique yourself. How do I typically react to correction? Do I pout when criticized or corrected? What is my first response when someone says I'm wrong? Do I tend to attack the person? To reject the content of criticism? To react to the manner? How well do I take advice? How well do I seek it? Are people able to approach me to correct me? Am I teachable?
Do I harbor anger against the person who criticizes me? Do I immediately seek to defend myself, hauling out my righteous acts and personal opinions in order to defend myself and display my rightness? Can my spouse, parents, children, brothers, sisters, or friends correct me?
2. Ask the Lord to give you a desire to be wise instead of a fool. Use Proverbs to commend to yourself the goodness of being willing and able to receive criticism, advice, rebuke, counsel, or correction. Meditate upon the passages given above: Proverbs 9:9; 12:15; 13:10,13; 15:32; 17:10; Psalm 141:5.
3. Focus on your crucifixion with Christ. While I can say I have faith in Christ, and even say with Paul, "I have been crucified with Christ," yet I still find myself not living in light of the cross. So I challenge myself with two questions. First, if I continually squirm under the criticism of others, how can I say I know and agree with the criticism of the cross? Second, if I typically justify myself, how can I say I know, love, and cling to God's justification of me through Christ's cross? This drives me back to contemplating God's judgment and justification of the sinner in Christ on the cross. As I meditate on what God has done in Christ for me, I find a resolve to agree with and affirm all that God says about me in Christ, with whom I've been crucified.
4. Learn to speak nourishing words to others. I want to receive criticism as a sinner living within Jesus' mercy, so how can I give criticism in a way that communicates mercy to another? Accurate, balanced criticism, given mercifully, is the easiest to hear—and even against that my pride rebels. Unfair criticism or harsh criticism (whether fair or unfair) is needlessly hard to hear. How can I best give accurate, fair criticism, well tempered with mercy and affirmation?
My prayer is that in your struggle against the sin of self-justification you will deepen your love for the glory of God as revealed in the gospel of His Son, and that you will grow wise by faith.

Dr. Alfred J. Poirier pastors Rocky Mountain Community Church, PCA, as well as serves as adjunct instructor for Peacemaker Ministries on issues involving conflict counseling and mediation. He completed his D. Min. in counseling at Westminster Theological Seminary in Glenside, PA in 2005.

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For my momma

Sun, 9 May 2010 08:04:12 -0400

Chandler’s prayer

Mon, 19 Apr 2010 22:29:15 -0400

Below you will find a transcript of a prayer given by pastor Matt Chandler of the Village Church just outside of Dallas, Texas given at the recent Together for the Gospel Conference here in Louisville. Matt was diagnosed with brain cancer just after Thanksgiving last year and he was given roughly 30 minutes to discuss how he has grown in the suffering that God has trusted him with. He kept himself under control emotionally during a power sermon in which he appeared to be a man with ruthless trust in the Lord -- during his closing prayer, though, it seemed that a daddy was praying more so than a famous pastor. I found his words to be humbling, encouraging, and profound. Below you’ll find a transcript of the prayer he offered to close his talk. If you have a chance, it’s well worth watching his story here

Here’s the prayer:

Father I thank you that the things that we are learning out of the scriptures at this conference and in our own studies and in our own lives, they are not ambiguous. They meet us on the ground -- they don’t float in the air -- they meet us on the ground. I thank you for your strength, for your faithfulness, for who you’ve called and raised up to ask for our healing, to pray for our family. So far, those prayers have been heard and you’ve answered them in such a beautiful way. We’ve shown almost zero side effects of the chemotherapy -- even to the amazement of our doctors. Strength has been maintained, I’ve been able to continue to preach and teach at the village and even travel some and so I thank you for that. I thank you for my beautiful wife and the faith you’ve given her to not be prone to say, “no you stay at home -- until this is over you stay here, “ but instead has encouraged me to fulfill the calling that you’ve put on my life. So I thank you for her and the strength that you’ve given her and the men and women that you’ve raised up to pray for her. I thank you for the children you’ve entrusted me with. I want to pray, even in front of all these, for their salvation regardless of what your plans are for me . . . that you would draw them to yourselves and they would love you deeply. Whether your will for me is an extended period of suffering, or healing outright, or an early death that you would guard their hearts against the lies of the enemy that would embitter and confuse them. But that they would love the God of their father and that the wickedness that has been in the bloodline of the Chandlers for centuries would go into the ground with me, whenever that is, and that a legacy of faith would be left behind. I don’t control that and I don’t get to speak into that but I do ask you, as your servant, to be merciful and extend to them salvation. I love you, I want to love you more than I do, that is my confession. As far as you’ve taken me and as much as you’ve purified me and as much as you’ve pressed and exalted I want to love you more than I do. I want more of my mind to belong to you than it does. I want more of my heart to worship in you and you alone than it does. I need your help even now. It’s for your beautiful name, amen.

building monuments

Thu, 4 Feb 2010 16:09:37 -0500

Entering into my second weekend in Louisville I’m filled with mixed emotions. On the one hand, classes have been simply amazing. I am consistently impressed by the passion, sincerity and conviction of the professors at Southern and their ability to constantly focus the student and the information back to the Gospel. This place is, without a doubt, intent on fulfilling the great commission through the training and sending of men and women for the sake of Christ. It is, simply put, an effort beautiful to watch and in which to participate. The material has been challenging yet fulfilling and I find myself surprised that I am not anxious to leave class. Such a great change of pace from my collegiate days. On the other hand, though, I spend relatively few hours in class and, as such, around people. I’ve thought myself for many years now to be content alone; being self sufficient (in a social sense) was always one of my strong suits (I naively believed). In a new place, living in a city and going back to school, though, there are times where it feels like there is a genuine vacuum in my life where people are supposed to be.
For years I was part of the camp that would spout off generalizations like, “it’s just me and Jesus!” or something along those lines. I thought that to need people in one’s life was to somehow dishonor or belittle Jesus. My struggle with that belief is not the point of this blog, so I won’t go into details with it, but suffice to say I think that idea is entirely ridiculous and anti-Gospel now. Realizing that, though, has not been any less difficult than struggling with the results of living that way. It’s fine to decide that deep, personal relationships are both a requirement and a blessing of Gospel-centered living -- but how does one do that? Specifically, how does one do that in a place where one is a stranger. In every sense of the word, I am a stranger in Louisville. Ambiguous, unnoticed -- take your pick.
That isn’t to say there are not people of great importance in my life. I have friends I talk to daily that I simply don’t know how I would go through life without. I feel thankful to have at least a few folks that I really believe I am now and will continue to “do life” with. And that’s a beautiful, precious thing. A major problem with them, though, is that they aren’t here which inevitably leads to feelings of isolation or second-guessing. For thoughts on that, though, refer back to my last post.
Some of the thoughts I’m about to unpack have been swirling in my head for a few years now and I think some clarity came to them at Church this Sunday. The pastor began by ever so briefly reviewing what God has done in their midst since the inception of the church some ten years ago. They have a cool, renovated old building in down town now, they were just more or less given another cool old building and have several other sites running. All in all, they’ve experienced tremendous growth and Gospel renewal for an individual Church. The Pastor was emphatic, though -- the mission must move forward. He encouraged his church not to be content with having a building or with being trendy (for however long that will last). He painted a picture (metaphorical, of course) of the countless churches -- HUGE churches -- scattered across our city that now hold perhaps 30 people on a Sunday. So we have a huge building that could seat 100 times that and yet no one comes. Now we have a beautiful, “historic”, monument to some social gathering that used to happen years ago.
His point was this: if we’re just in it to build a building or do something that looks impressive, in a few short years we will be dead and we will have left the next generation a monument of the little club we joined for awhile. What a heartbreaking thought. For whatever reason it became clear to me this afternoon that I am living my life in such a way that a deteriorating old monument is what I will leave behind. Chasing after “stuff” and then stressing about how little time I have to enjoy my “stuff” preoccupies so much of my thoughts. Thankfully my day to day actions don’t necessarily follow this -- but is that really any better?
The question is this -- what does the life look like that leaves as its legacy a different way of living? Namely, can Christians live in such a way that their neighborhoods are different, the children they raise are different, and their places of work operate differently which ultimately lead to a city that is renewed in the likeness of the Kingdom of God? I think of all the bad habits and ways of living that get passed down through generations -- alcoholism, drug abuse, distorted views of sex/sexuality, feminine men and masculine women -- so many aspects of life that do not honor God or lead to our joy that simply get silently handed from one generation to another. That can all change in one generation, though, right?
Now I’m not saying I want to start up the next Passion movement or be so ambitious as to say I want everyone from 25-30 to be so transformed by the Gospel that 30 years from now our children will be a force for the Kingdom of God like we’ve never seen. I certainly wouldn’t object to that, but that’s not really what I’m talking about. I really just want to do that with maybe 5 people. Something small. Something consistent. Something deep.
Literally everyone I know who is following Christ feels, to one degree or another, isolated in their faith. I know why this is, but I’m not so sure what to do about it. People love talking about community, but no one likes to define what that is. Churches advocate small groups and “getting plugged in,” but rarely take the time to explain how or why. Most Christians are left feeling like they need to read the Bible and pray more and make sure they have a meeting once a week where they told someone they looked at pornography or were mean. I don’t mean to belittle those things -- but surely that is not the kind of life David was referring to when he wrote that,

You have made known to me the path of life;   you will fill me with joy in your presence,   with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

There’s a different kind of living available to those of us who are struggling to walk in light of the Gospel. I have some ideas as to what keeps us from that life, and I have some ideas of what that life is not, but I must confess that, at this point, it remains in many ways a mystery to me. I do know that striving for more of Jesus is the first step towards that life and I also know that I do not want to leave behind a bunch of rusting stuff as a monument to a life lived in between. Perhaps, in large part, that is why I am where I am right now: Often confused, often passionate, mind racing, occasionally roller-coasting with emotions. Feel free to share thoughts on what this life could look like. E-mail me if you have something longer or you don’t want to share on a blog that 25 people read.

On a final note I’ve attached below a compilation video I’ve made from this week’s systematic theology classes (2 of them). Some poor soul in front of me has been having a rough, rough, week. Of the 150 minutes of class we’ve had this week, he’s been fighting to stay awake for 125 of them. No joke. I’m going to bring a pillow or a neck brace in for him -- I’m worried his head snaps will get so violent he will inadvertently break his own neck. Thanks for reading babies.

j